Ship Shape

A smiling cabin steward escorts me to my stateroom. He tells me that I have time to relax, eat lunch, and explore the ship before the lifeboat and safety drill begins. He shows me where my lifevest is stored and reminds me to take it with me when the announcement to go on deck is made. I step out on to my verandah and look toward the city. It's another quasi-gray day in Seattle. I have been told that the sun shines in this city but I think that is an urban legend.

My stateroom is spacious and well appointed. There are plenty of closets, a ton of dresser space, a whirlpool tub, fresh flowers and fruit, and big cushy bathrobes. Personalized stationary imprinted with my name and my stateroom number waits for me on the desk. Does Holland America know that I am eschewing email? Are they accommodating this with paper and pen? I've heard that the service in first class is amazing, but this is extraordinary. There are other gifts along with the stationary. My favorite is the bottle of champagne compliments of the captain. I decide to enjoy it on my verandah once we are underway. But safety first. It's time to put on my lifevest and head to Lifeboat Number 7.

"Step back, step back, PLEASE!" the officer barks as we try to squeeze ourselves away from the deck rail. I wink at the woman next to me and push back a little farther. "I hope I'm not getting too familiar with your husband," I tell her. The man behind me seems to enjoy this. If he enjoyed it any more he would owe me a dinner.

The ship's officer begins his roll call and once we are all accounted for he tells us that in the event of an emergency women, children, and infirm people will be evacuated first. I ponder this maritime tradition. Saving children first makes sense. I can't think of anyone who would support kids going down with the ship. But women? Shouldn't there be a coin toss or something to determine if women or men evacuate first? Heads it's women, tails it's men? The blatant sexism bothers me. The argument that the kids would need the women more than the men is false and should offend men. But none of the men appear offended. To the contrary, they are smiling for the ship's photographer. I look around to see if any of my fellow lifeboat assignees are "infirm." Unfirm, maybe. There's a bit of paunch and some jiggly wiggly going on, but no one appears infirm. Good. Loading infirm people ahead of able bodied people is counter to the evacuation principles that I must follow when managing a critical incident. You can lose a lot of well people if they get log jammed behind a sick or injured person. So, unlike on the high seas, the landlubbing infirm are evacuated last.

Oh no! I'm thinking about triage and mass evacuation! That's work, not vacation! I turn my thoughts to more pleasant things. I imagine myself watching wildlife from the verandah. I consider which dress to wear to dinner. I salivate over the little tea cakes and sandwiches in the private lounge across from my stateroom. I think about spending tomorrow at sea and then waking up in Juneau, Alaska.

I have done my homework regarding Juneau. It isn't smart to travel without knowing the issues and stakeholders in the places you visit. Juneau, I have learned, has a few trouble spots. Apparently a pizza war has been raging ever since the owner of a popular pizzeria hunted leaopards in Africa. Now there is a movement to boycott his business. I guess the natives hate it if you hunt anywhere but at home. At any rate, I don't wish to stir up trouble so I will avoid all pizzerias in Juneau. Everyone knows that pizza wars can be treacherous.

The Space Needle glides past me as the bubbles in my wineglass tickle my nose. Music drifts down to me from the Lido Deck. Soon pine trees and mountain peaks replace the city skyline. I hear an electronic chirp as my cell phone changes its display to "no service." The only way to reach me now is via shore-to-ship radio at $16 a minute. Wow! If someone calls me now it's because they think a conversation with me is worth $960 an hour. I flatter myself with this thought as I head off to explore the ship.

Tomorrow...spa side orcas, evening gowns, and a boy named Su.

Slainte!