The Lavatory Fairy

Arrh! Arrh! Arrh!
The sea lions greet us as our boat heads out into the bay. The Winner and I are seated on the top deck. Morning sun shines on our faces while Alcatraz rises from the rock island in front of us. I lean back and feel myself relax into the seat. I am not driving. It is wonderful not to be driving!

The Bay is busy. Sailboats race toward a finish line that I can’t discern. The tour guide tells the story of how the Golden Gate Bridge was built as it towers over us. Outriggers dot the water. The crews paddle hard towards us. They are also racing toward a finish line that I can’t see. We head back to the city to finish our tour by land.

The Winner and I climb to the top of a double decker bus. Again, I relax into my seat as the sun shines on my face. Some guy named Phil is driving. Yea, Phil! The bus threads its way through the tourist jammed neighborhoods. People fill the sidewalks. We drive through the craziness of Fisherman’s Wharf to the financial district, retail center, Chinatown, the Tenderloin (a quick peek at the city’s red light district – who knew that slumming it has become a tourist attraction?), North Beach and then back to where we started.

We decide to spend the evening in Chinatown. We walk beneath the ornate gate and drop in and out of shops filled with Asian art, fashion, and trinkets. A wedding celebration erupts on the street from a restaurant. Drums beat. Cymbals clang. Two dragons shake their huge ornamental heads at the crowd that gathers to watch them pass. We wait for the parade to reach the end of the street before heading into the restaurant.

The menu is extensive and written in unfamiliar kanji. The waiter tells me that I will not like the Yin Yan Fried Rice. He says it is has sauce over it. I order it anyway and tell him I don’t mind trying new things. The food comes out a little at a time which makes it feel like we are eating dim sum. The Winner enjoys warm saki while I have a glass of plum wine. The waiter is right about the Yin Yan Fried Rice. It isn’t that I don’t like it. It’s just that I like other things better. I guess that holds true for the waiter too. Bill paid, we head back to shopping. We drop into an upscale store that is filled with lovely art and antiques. I lose track of the Winner. My cell phone rings. The Winner’s number shows up. I answer.

“Oh my God!” she exclaims. “I’m in a pod bathroom up the hill. I am having terrible GI distress. It cost me a quarter to get in here.” I try to sort out what she’s telling me. She’s up the street? She paid a quarter to get into a pod bathroom? Does she need me? How do I find her?

She then informs me that her quarter has bought her twenty minutes. After 20 minutes the lights will flash and the door will open automatically. I’m speechless. I have no idea how to respond. I reply, “Thank you for handling this on your own.” It occurs to me that the bathroom is costing the Winner 75 cents an hour. Is this an expense I need to cover for her FREE vacation? I think it is. I will play Lavatory Fairy tonight and tuck some change under her pillow.

Night falls and we walk back to the hotel. Crowds still fill the sidewalks. They spill out of bars and bistros and mill about everywhere. I have to step in the street at times to get around people who are waiting to get into restaurants. I lose track of the different languages that I hear. Spanish, French, Vietnamese, German, and something that sounds like Pig Latin.

Oodgay ightnay. I’m ready to tuck myself into bed. Tomorrow the Winner and I head to the airport early. Once again I’m relieved to know that I won’t be driving.